Developing Character: Turning Obstacles into Stepping Stones

There has been a lot of discussion of in the past few years on how the increasing amount of time children are spending on computers and their constant use of technology may be making  a difference in their lives--from helping with homework to causing depression and encouraging violent behavior. Certain studies state that playing violent computer games may increase aggressiveness and desensitize a child to suffering, and that the use of computers may blur a child's ability to distinguish real life from simulation.

Whatever research you may believe holds more credibility, there are some timeless principles to help raise children. Today we want to share some helpful ways to turn difficulties that children face into opportunities for growth. This, like so many other attitudes and outlooks on life, are best learnt at home with the child’s parents.

The view that character development and family is of essential importance is not new by any means. About 390 B.C. Socrates wrote about Athenian society: "Could I climb the highest place in Athens, I would lift up my voice and proclaim, 'Fellow citizens, why do you burn and scrape every stone to gather wealth, and take so little care of your children to whom you must one day relinquish all?'

Character is built by life experience. It does not come from book knowledge or theory, but from practice, from hands-on experience in the school of life. A strong character is the result of overcoming obstacles and difficulties in one's life. To "build your child's character" may seem vague or nebulous, but the principle is simple: Use life as the blackboard for learning.

Each day is filled with teachable moments. When the vehicle arrives late to take the kids on an excursion, that's a teachable moment in the art of patience and maintaining your cool—and being positive. When a low grade is received in a scholastic subject, that's a teachable moment in learning to rebound from "failure" and to try harder next time.

One of your roles as a parent—in addition to being a comforter, caregiver, forgiver, and protector—is the role of setting an example. Your life is meant to be an example to your children of the way they should behave. You are meant to be a reflection to them of the example you wish to see in them—an example of respect, humility, love, faith in others, forgiveness, integrity, honesty, openness and happiness.

You build character in your children by reflecting the character you wish to see in them. And some of the greatest "character strengtheners" are problems, obstacles, and difficulties. Teach your children to face problems pragmatically and to search for ways to overcome the difficulties. Instead of having an initial reaction of fear, disdain, and disappointment, react with a positive attitude, with hope, and cheer. "Let's see how we can fix this!" or "Hmm, what can we do to work around this?" or "Wow, that was unexpected! Let's see how to refigure our plans in light of that."Teach your children to face challenges bravely and with a sense of adventure. "Wow, this looks like an impossibility. It'll be so great to see how this works out!" or "Boy, getting out of this mess should be an exciting adventure. Just imagine, one day we'll talk and laugh about this very moment. Let's take a picture for memory's sake!"

Teach your children to face difficulties with resolve and determination, to not back down when a task is hard. One of the primary ways to do this is by facing your own difficulties positively and resolutely. If your children see you trying and trying and trying again when faced with something difficult, they will be more inclined to follow your example when faced with their own difficulties. Show faith in your children's ability to overcome the problems they face.

These are some of the most important ways that you can build your child's character, through demonstrating the qualities you wish to see in them, and using life's teachable moments—problems, difficulties, and obstacles—as the lesson sheet for learning.

Let the role and responsibility of parenting push you to be all that you can be. As you look at your children and hope that they will be men and women of good character, look at the example you are setting. Look at your values, your moral standing, your character, and determine whether you would be happy if your children adopted those same principles. More often than not, that kind of self-examination will show you areas that could use improvement—and that's good. Part of being a good parent is being willing to change so that you are setting a good example for your children to follow.

“Don't call it education unless it has taught you life's true values.”

“To LOOK is one thing. To SEE what you look at is another. To UNDERSTAND what you see is a third. To LEARN from what you understand is still something else. But to ACT on what you learn is what really matters.”